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September 3, 2009

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With toasts and speeches, the more you have,  the more time you and your guests are “waiting” for something to happen.

Traditionally 3 minutes maximum is great for toasts and speeches, otherwise things may be “too wordy”, and get boring fast.

Will never forget one wedding in April, which was the 3rd wedding I had planned for the three siblings within 5.5 years.  The bride had been in the wedding parties at the previous weddings, but had not been involved in the “wedding day scheduling”.  Never wanting a bride to “settle” on her wedding day, with the bride saying it was a “MUST” for an open microphone.  We had the VIPs go first (five of them), then opened up the microphone with a “sign” between us (knowing she would realize “enough was enough”).  35 minutes later, the bride gave me the “sign” to signal the last toast, and let’s get on to the dinner!  (For safety, had already talked to the head captain at the BEO meeting to make sure the chef was informed to hold the meal – no cold food)!

The rehearsal dinner is a perfect place for an “open microphone”.  Most of your closest family and friends will be there, and it is a fun and loving atmosphere.  Don’t forget to have your wedding photographer and wedding videographer capture your wedding rehearsal dinner toasts and festivities!

“Open microphones” for your wedding day are NOT recommended.  Speeches and toasts  in sequential order, with time limits, work well to keep the flow of your day moving forward (and your food warm too)!

Cutting everyone to 3 minutes maximum will make it easy to have 5 people (taking 15 minutes).  If you allowed those 5 people to have 5 minutes each, you just took 25 minutes away from your evening.  Your choice, but spend and allocate your time wisely.

FOB (also known as the Father of the Bride)

Good idea to have the FOB welcome guests first (after the first dance).  The FOB may go behind where the bride and groom are seated (a great photo opportunity), and may want to take the MOB (Mother of the Bride) with him.  The FOB does not need a glass with champagne, since he will only be welcoming, (not toasting – since this is traditionally the best man’s job).

1).  Thanks the guests for coming from near and far.  May want to mention various states, or countries of key interests to both sides of the family.

2).  Thanks the MOB (mother of the bride) for everything she did for making their family be as incredible as it is.

3).  Reflects on positive aspects of  his relationship with his daughter, watching her grow up, and how incredibly proud he was to walk her down the aisle, or of  when she did “x”, or when he knew the groom was “the one”, etc.

4).  Welcomes the groom into their family, and looking forward to them having many happy years together, excited to see grandchildren, family excursions, etc.

5).  Proposes a welcome to the bride and groom wishing them a future of happiness.

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Marriage by Kahlil Gibran

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:  Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.  Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.  Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.  Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.  Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.  Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.  For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.   And stand together yet not too near togther:  For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the Oak tree and the Cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

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This is one of my favorite readings, which every couple should read and try their best to respect each other, and follow the “golden rule”…treating other people the way they would like to be treated!

Read this with compassion, and make a difference in the life of someone you love today!  Life is too short!

Apache Marriage Blessing – anon

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be the shelter for each other.  Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be the warmth for the other.  Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before.  Go now to your dwelling place to enter into the days of your life together.  And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

(the wording above is normally the “shortened” version, the full verse is continued below)

Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together.  Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness, and kindness that your connection deserves.  When frustration, difficulty, and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another – remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong.  In this way, you will ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives – remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there.  And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.

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